Monday, April 02, 2007
Opening Day 2007: Hour 9
6:02 -- Why, they've got a special graphic to use when Craig Biggio gets a hit.
6:11 -- Xavier Nady, who has a great name, hits a home run to tie the Pirates-Astros game at 2.
6:21 -- Hey, the Twins aren't on WCCO anymore, which is kind of like the Cardinals not being on KMOX anymore. Herb Carneal may well be rolling in his grave already.
6:25 -- The Pirates-Astros game isn't quite as speedy now that it's gone into extra innings.
6:32 -- Perhaps somebody with more time on their hands than Levi or me -- probably a member of SABR -- has calculated the percentage of World Series and/or pennant winners that won their first game of the season. I'm suddenly interested in what that statistic is.
6:33 -- Jason Bay hits a 2-run homer in the top of the 10th. He should be on the Devil Rays instead of the Pirates, given that both have "Bay" in their names.
6:38 -- The Astros strike out, in the bottom of the 10th, for the first time in the game.
6:42 -- The Pirates win a game! The Pirates win a game! And now there's only one game in progress.
6:43 -- In this post-literate age, "DQ Grill & Chill" seems to be the new name for "Dairy Queen Brazier." I wonder how Bob Greene feels about that. (The former columnist for the Chicago Tribune, not Oprah's personal trainer.)
You know, after I got fired two years ago, I should have tried to contact him to commiserate. We could have had a chat over Blizzards or something. I don't even remember exactly what our disagreement was about.
6:53 -- The Twins announcers are comparing former Devil Ray and current Oriole Danys Baez to Rick Sutcliffe, and talk about how he hooks his hand around behind him before he delivers the ball. At one point, they call him "a hooker."
6:11 -- Xavier Nady, who has a great name, hits a home run to tie the Pirates-Astros game at 2.
6:21 -- Hey, the Twins aren't on WCCO anymore, which is kind of like the Cardinals not being on KMOX anymore. Herb Carneal may well be rolling in his grave already.
6:25 -- The Pirates-Astros game isn't quite as speedy now that it's gone into extra innings.
6:32 -- Perhaps somebody with more time on their hands than Levi or me -- probably a member of SABR -- has calculated the percentage of World Series and/or pennant winners that won their first game of the season. I'm suddenly interested in what that statistic is.
6:33 -- Jason Bay hits a 2-run homer in the top of the 10th. He should be on the Devil Rays instead of the Pirates, given that both have "Bay" in their names.
6:38 -- The Astros strike out, in the bottom of the 10th, for the first time in the game.
6:42 -- The Pirates win a game! The Pirates win a game! And now there's only one game in progress.
6:43 -- In this post-literate age, "DQ Grill & Chill" seems to be the new name for "Dairy Queen Brazier." I wonder how Bob Greene feels about that. (The former columnist for the Chicago Tribune, not Oprah's personal trainer.)
You know, after I got fired two years ago, I should have tried to contact him to commiserate. We could have had a chat over Blizzards or something. I don't even remember exactly what our disagreement was about.
6:53 -- The Twins announcers are comparing former Devil Ray and current Oriole Danys Baez to Rick Sutcliffe, and talk about how he hooks his hand around behind him before he delivers the ball. At one point, they call him "a hooker."
Labels: astros, bob greene, Cardinals, craig biggio, dairy queen, danys baez, devil rays, herb carneal, jason bay, pirates, rick sutcliffe, twins, xavier nady
Opening Day 2007: Hour 8
5:05 -- "My 29" is using the FSN graphics package, which isn't particularly unusual, but their graphics seem to be making more noise than they currently do on FSN. Guess that's part of the MyNetwork attitude.
5:10 -- They're not booing in Houston, they're saying "Luke," as in Scott, who just hit a 2-run home run.
5:16 -- The Astros announcers mention that Brad Ausmus is a news junkie, and suggest that while his teammates are watching "Sportscenter," he's watching C-SPAN or CNBC. I'm sure Fox management sent out a quick memo with a suggestion of their own about which network should have been named there.
5:27 -- A commercial for a concept I haven't thought about for a while: Perkins restaurants.
5:35 -- Watching the Pirates is making me hungry for pierogies for dinner. Good thing I have some in the freezer for just such an emergency.
5:49 -- Waiting for the pierogies to thaw in boiling water, I switch to the A's-Mariners game just to see it end, on a fly ball to Ichiro in center field.
5:50 -- Meanwhile, the Pirates and Astros are already in the top of the 8th, so it's a pretty speedy game.
5:58 -- Yes, it's sad when ballpark prices for food and souvenirs are so high that families are forced to choose one or the other, but kids are always ready to improvise.
5:10 -- They're not booing in Houston, they're saying "Luke," as in Scott, who just hit a 2-run home run.
5:16 -- The Astros announcers mention that Brad Ausmus is a news junkie, and suggest that while his teammates are watching "Sportscenter," he's watching C-SPAN or CNBC. I'm sure Fox management sent out a quick memo with a suggestion of their own about which network should have been named there.
5:27 -- A commercial for a concept I haven't thought about for a while: Perkins restaurants.
5:35 -- Watching the Pirates is making me hungry for pierogies for dinner. Good thing I have some in the freezer for just such an emergency.
5:49 -- Waiting for the pierogies to thaw in boiling water, I switch to the A's-Mariners game just to see it end, on a fly ball to Ichiro in center field.
5:50 -- Meanwhile, the Pirates and Astros are already in the top of the 8th, so it's a pretty speedy game.
5:58 -- Yes, it's sad when ballpark prices for food and souvenirs are so high that families are forced to choose one or the other, but kids are always ready to improvise.
Labels: astros, athletics, brad ausmus, luke scott, mariners, perkins, pierogies, pirates
Opening Day 2007: Hour 7
4:00 -- Baltimore Orioles at Minnesota Twins (ESPN and WFTC)
Pittsburgh Pirates at Houston Astros (FSN Houston)
4:01 -- Extra Innings is carrying an over-the-air game broadcast, something I haven't seen before on DirecTV. I guess the ability to do this is part of their new contract. It's from "My 29" -- well, not really mine, because it's WFTC in Minneapolis/St. Paul and KFTC in Bemidji.
4:03 -- They do a nice little tribute to Herb Carneal at the beginning of the Twins broadcast. I have to admit that he's someone who was never really on my radar.
4:05 -- I'm getting a little tired of "Magic Carpet Ride," which is the music being played during a Chevrolet ad that's been running a lot today. But I guess the members of Steppenwolf aren't getting tired of cashing their royalty checks.
4:10 -- The Orioles haven't opened a season on the road since 1977.
4:12 -- The Rockies are down 8-6 going into the bottom of the 9th, but anything can happen. 3 out of 4 Opening Day games previously played at Coors Field ended with a walk-off home run.
4:20 -- An ad read by the Rockies announcers goes, in its entirety, "Hey, if you have a crack in your windshield, call Elite Glass, number one for more than one reason." This makes the broadcast interactive, since it allows the audience to speculate endlessly about what those reasons might be.
4:24 -- True, anything could have happened, from a walk-off home run to a "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"-type magical transformation causing the person in the mascot costume to turn into an actual small purple triceratops. But what actually happens in the bottom of the 9th is a double followed by three straight strikeouts. The new red uniforms worked for the D-Backs!
4:36 -- Forget C.C. Sabathia. Kent Hrbek is looking a little large now that he's retired.
4:37 -- However, while Kent Hrbek is being interviewed, the Twins hit back-to-back home runs. So whatever he's doing, it's working.
4:40 -- Very sad that the Menards guy isn't in Menards commercials anymore. At least they haven't turned him into a computer-animated character who appears at the end of the commercial as they've done with the Empire Carpet guy.
4:52 -- Shannon Stewart of the A's certainly looks different than he did when he was Playboy's Playmate of the Month for June 2000 (relatively work-safe link to Wikipedia).
Pittsburgh Pirates at Houston Astros (FSN Houston)
4:01 -- Extra Innings is carrying an over-the-air game broadcast, something I haven't seen before on DirecTV. I guess the ability to do this is part of their new contract. It's from "My 29" -- well, not really mine, because it's WFTC in Minneapolis/St. Paul and KFTC in Bemidji.
4:03 -- They do a nice little tribute to Herb Carneal at the beginning of the Twins broadcast. I have to admit that he's someone who was never really on my radar.
4:05 -- I'm getting a little tired of "Magic Carpet Ride," which is the music being played during a Chevrolet ad that's been running a lot today. But I guess the members of Steppenwolf aren't getting tired of cashing their royalty checks.
4:10 -- The Orioles haven't opened a season on the road since 1977.
4:12 -- The Rockies are down 8-6 going into the bottom of the 9th, but anything can happen. 3 out of 4 Opening Day games previously played at Coors Field ended with a walk-off home run.
4:20 -- An ad read by the Rockies announcers goes, in its entirety, "Hey, if you have a crack in your windshield, call Elite Glass, number one for more than one reason." This makes the broadcast interactive, since it allows the audience to speculate endlessly about what those reasons might be.
4:24 -- True, anything could have happened, from a walk-off home run to a "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"-type magical transformation causing the person in the mascot costume to turn into an actual small purple triceratops. But what actually happens in the bottom of the 9th is a double followed by three straight strikeouts. The new red uniforms worked for the D-Backs!
4:36 -- Forget C.C. Sabathia. Kent Hrbek is looking a little large now that he's retired.
4:37 -- However, while Kent Hrbek is being interviewed, the Twins hit back-to-back home runs. So whatever he's doing, it's working.
4:40 -- Very sad that the Menards guy isn't in Menards commercials anymore. At least they haven't turned him into a computer-animated character who appears at the end of the commercial as they've done with the Empire Carpet guy.
4:52 -- Shannon Stewart of the A's certainly looks different than he did when he was Playboy's Playmate of the Month for June 2000 (relatively work-safe link to Wikipedia).
Labels: astros, buffy, diamondbacks, herb carneal, kent hrbek, orioles, pirates, rockies, shannon stewart, steppenwolf, twins
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Businessman's special
Yes, I went to this game alone, because all my friends here in L.A. have jobs and are a lot less likely than Levi to take a half day off to go to a game. On this date in Dodger history, in 1963, Sandy Koufax pitched a no-hitter. No such luck for Derek Lowe today, although he was fairly effective; the real problem was some fielding mistakes by the Dodgers, notably an amusingly botched rundown. So the Dodgers' winning streak came to an end, and now they have to go to San Francisco and spend three games intentionally walking Barry Bonds.
Cheesesteaks are new at Dodger Stadium this year, courtesy of a local chain called South Street, to which I was introduced by hanger-on Jason. Their Dodger Stadium cheesesteaks are half the size and twice the price of the ones they serve in the restaurant -- but, still, it was pretty tasty, and a nice change of pace from a Dodger Dog.
For the first time, I brought my radio and listened to it during the game -- might as well get some use out of it, I figured, since I never use it at home, not even its NOAA weather radio-receiving functions. (It's just a cheap AM/FM/TV/weather portable radio, not a fancy radio that turns itself on whenever there's a thunderstorm watch in the middle of the night, like a certain other baseballrelated.com poster has in his bedroom.) Vin Scully gets simulcast on radio and TV for the first three innings, which is great, although he'll occasionally say something that sounds like a complete non sequitur when you're listening on the radio because it obviously relates to something not quite game-related that's being shown on TV at that moment. Today was school field trip day, and a couple of times, he was referring to what must have been shots of kids in the stands.
Anyway, for the fourth inning and on, Charley Steiner and Rick Monday come in to do the radio only. They're fine, except that they're not Vin Scully. Now, Rick Monday -- if you've got to be known solely for one thing, there are a lot worse things you could be known for than "keeping an American flag from being set on fire." And Charley Steiner -- well, when the Dodgers were down 4-2 and had the bases loaded for Kenny Lofton in the bottom of the ninth, he was excited enough that I was expecting him to blurt out "Follow me to freedom!" if Lofton got a hit. But he flew out to end the game.
Another advantage of listening to the radio -- they announced the attendance about a half-inning before "Guess the Attendance" was played in the stadium, thus allowing me to loudly and confidently yell out that it was choice "A" on the scoreboard. So, in conclusion, I'll probably bring my radio again if I'm going to a game by myself, or if I'm going to a game with someone I don't want to talk to.
I should mention that this was all prompted by my mother. She suggested a couple weeks ago that I go to a weekday afternoon baseball game before I start my new full-time job on the 17th. I said, in my Eric Cartman voice, "But, Maaaaaaahm, the Dodgers don't plaaaaaaay any weekday afternoon games." I looked at the schedule anyway, and saw this game, so there you go.
Relating to that job: I temporarily have a PC in my living room within view of my TV, and Levi now has Internet access at home. Way back at the beginning of the season, I suggested that the two of us should watch the same game simultaneously, instant-message each other during the game, and post the log here. However, we haven't yet been able to come up with a time that both of us are able to actually do this -- Levi's busy at work, as usual, and seems to have more of a life on the weekends than I do, and tends to attend a few Cubs games, especially when they're playing the Cardinals, and since he's just recently moved up to home Internet access, it's probably going to be a while until he has a Treo or Blackberry and can use the Internet from the Wrigley Field stands. (To be fair, there's been a couple of games when Levi was available but I wasn't.) And now I'm not 100% sure how busy I'll be at my new job, but I am certain that it will preclude us from scheduling this for one of those weeknight ESPN games that starts at 7:00 Eastern -- I'll still be at work at 4:00 Pacific. It also doesn't help that we're limited by the baseball schedules of ESPN/ESPN 2, WGN, and TBS, since those are the only networks that we can both watch together, and neither of us is too excited about doing this during a Braves game on TBS.
All of this is to say that there will probably be an IM transcript posted here when you least expect it.
Labels: astros, dodger stadium, dodgers, game report, vin scully
Monday, October 31, 2005
We are, we are the youth of the nation
Sandy passes along this iTunes link to playlists consisting of the favorite songs of the White Sox and Astros, and would like to call special attention to Damaso Marte's choice. Well, maybe it's his favorite video.
Labels: astros, damaso marte, music, sandy weisz, white sox
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Score that play 6-3, and thus ends 2005
Wow, every time Levi's wife makes a jack-o'-lantern involving a baseball personality, their team with which they're associated wins the World Series! Levi, how does it feel to be married to someone with magic powers? I hope you're more accepting of it than Darrin Stephens!
No, seriously, I'm sure Stacey would be the first to tell you there's nothing otherworldly about her pumpkin carvings. However, consider the following: we started this blog at the beginning of the 2004 baseball season, and since then...
Clearly, the existence of this blog has been a major force for good in the world of baseball. Therefore, I'm considering starting a few more blogs.
Uh, but just for interest's sake, Stacey, whose face do you foresee rendering on a gourd next October?
No, seriously, I'm sure Stacey would be the first to tell you there's nothing otherworldly about her pumpkin carvings. However, consider the following: we started this blog at the beginning of the 2004 baseball season, and since then...
- The World Series was won by a team that hadn't won in 86 years.
- Then the World Series was won by a team that hadn't won in 88 years, after winning the American League pennant for the first time in 46 years.
- Also making a World Series appearance was a team that had never been there before, in 43 years of trying, and their uniforms look a lot better now than they did for many of those 43 years.
- The Yankees have not gone to a World Series.
- The first four "Complete Peanuts" volumes have been released, right on schedule, and they are awesome.
Clearly, the existence of this blog has been a major force for good in the world of baseball. Therefore, I'm considering starting a few more blogs.
- Cure-for-Cancer-Related Program Activities
- Democratic-Party-Related Program Activities
- Origin-of-the-Universe-Related Program Activities
- Jim's-Sex-Life-Related Program Activities
Uh, but just for interest's sake, Stacey, whose face do you foresee rendering on a gourd next October?
Labels: astros, red sox, stacey shintani, white sox, world series, yankees
Longer than there've been fishes in the oceans
Six hours into the broadcast -- reflecting Fox's ridiculously unrealistic 3-hour time slot plus the maximum 3 hours of TiVo padding, it was the top of the 14th...
The good news is that I had caught up to the live broadcast at 10:30, and set a manual recording for 11:00 until -- well, just in case, I set it to go until, well, about the time the morning news was going to start. So I was a little disappointed that it was "only" 11:20 when the game actually ended. But I have to assume I was one of a very select few not in Houston or Chicago who actually saw the game from beginning to end, although it's admittedly a lot easier to sit through 14 innings of baseball when you can fast-forward through the commercials...
That Chicago Sun-Times "Market Wrap" edition isn't looking like such a silly idea now, is it, Levi? That might be the only way for Chicagoans to get the box score of this game in their newspaper tomorrow -- uh, I mean today.
Hey, speaking of silly ideas, where was Aaron Neville in the middle of the 14th to sing the real song? Actually, Bud Selig probably would have insisted on a reprise of "God Bless America" for no good reason.
On a TV note: since I grew up in the Eastern time zone, I'm used to sporting events that run long being followed by the local affiliate's 11:00 or 10:00 news in its entirety, whether it's at 12:00, 12:30, or even later. Therefore, I was a little surprised to discover that Fox's flagship station in Los Angeles must have their entire 10:00 news crew home, because when the coverage of the game ended, they went straight to their regularly scheduled 11:30 "Simpsons" rerun.
The good news is that I had caught up to the live broadcast at 10:30, and set a manual recording for 11:00 until -- well, just in case, I set it to go until, well, about the time the morning news was going to start. So I was a little disappointed that it was "only" 11:20 when the game actually ended. But I have to assume I was one of a very select few not in Houston or Chicago who actually saw the game from beginning to end, although it's admittedly a lot easier to sit through 14 innings of baseball when you can fast-forward through the commercials...
That Chicago Sun-Times "Market Wrap" edition isn't looking like such a silly idea now, is it, Levi? That might be the only way for Chicagoans to get the box score of this game in their newspaper tomorrow -- uh, I mean today.
Hey, speaking of silly ideas, where was Aaron Neville in the middle of the 14th to sing the real song? Actually, Bud Selig probably would have insisted on a reprise of "God Bless America" for no good reason.
On a TV note: since I grew up in the Eastern time zone, I'm used to sporting events that run long being followed by the local affiliate's 11:00 or 10:00 news in its entirety, whether it's at 12:00, 12:30, or even later. Therefore, I was a little surprised to discover that Fox's flagship station in Los Angeles must have their entire 10:00 news crew home, because when the coverage of the game ended, they went straight to their regularly scheduled 11:30 "Simpsons" rerun.
Labels: aaron neville, astros, bud selig, take me out to the ball game, tv, white sox, world series
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Roy Oswalt is quite a good pitcher
No reason for me to pause the TiVo tonight. If there's any good news for Levi, it's that he can now join all right-thinking Chicagoans (and probably much of the country as well) in cheering for the White Sox.
Labels: astros, Cardinals, roy oswalt, white sox
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
Thank god for 13th-round draft picks, or, Barbara, don't pack up your bag just yet!
Well, well, well.
1) That was a nice reminder that what we're all seeing every time Pujols plays is a Hall-of-Fame career in the making. Cardinals fans are extremely lucky to have him, and we ought to appreciate it with every at-bat.
2) Even were the Cardinals to go on and get trounced tomorrow night, Pujols (and, to give credit properly, Eckstein and Edmonds, who had tough at-bats before him) at least took what had been a frustrating, disappointing series and gave us something we'll remember for a long time.
3) My brother's two concerns post-game? He was hoping the construction guys hadn't started the wrecking ball back in the 7th for Busch Stadium. (Fox had, as their highlight reel of Busch over the years demonstrated.) Second, he wanted to know if Fox had reconsidered their choice of Lance Berkman as Chevrolet Player of the Game--chosen, as usual, in like the second inning.
4) In the 9th, with one out, Barbara Bush--visible all game as a little Boglin head perched just above the railing behind home--started packing up her bag. "Why," she probably thought, "would I want to sully my beautiful mind with thoughts of Brad Lidge blowing this game?"
1) That was a nice reminder that what we're all seeing every time Pujols plays is a Hall-of-Fame career in the making. Cardinals fans are extremely lucky to have him, and we ought to appreciate it with every at-bat.
2) Even were the Cardinals to go on and get trounced tomorrow night, Pujols (and, to give credit properly, Eckstein and Edmonds, who had tough at-bats before him) at least took what had been a frustrating, disappointing series and gave us something we'll remember for a long time.
3) My brother's two concerns post-game? He was hoping the construction guys hadn't started the wrecking ball back in the 7th for Busch Stadium. (Fox had, as their highlight reel of Busch over the years demonstrated.) Second, he wanted to know if Fox had reconsidered their choice of Lance Berkman as Chevrolet Player of the Game--chosen, as usual, in like the second inning.
4) In the 9th, with one out, Barbara Bush--visible all game as a little Boglin head perched just above the railing behind home--started packing up her bag. "Why," she probably thought, "would I want to sully my beautiful mind with thoughts of Brad Lidge blowing this game?"
Labels: Albert Pujols, astros, brad lidge, busch stadium, Cardinals, david eckstein, jim edmonds, lance berkman
Monday, October 17, 2005
Better luck next year
Well, Levi, I'm sorry the Cardinals didn't make it to the Series this year -- but White Sox vs. Astros, now there's a couple teams you don't see in the Series very often!
The game's not actually over yet, but I've got the TiVo paused with two outs in the top of the 9th, the Astros ahead 4-2, and Fox running all the Astros history footage they can get their hands on. So it's pretty much a foregone conclusion; I mean, the only hope the Cardinals have would be something along the lines of Brad Lidge giving up a 3-run homer to Albert Pujols, and how likely is that?
The game's not actually over yet, but I've got the TiVo paused with two outs in the top of the 9th, the Astros ahead 4-2, and Fox running all the Astros history footage they can get their hands on. So it's pretty much a foregone conclusion; I mean, the only hope the Cardinals have would be something along the lines of Brad Lidge giving up a 3-run homer to Albert Pujols, and how likely is that?
Labels: Albert Pujols, astros, brad lidge, Cardinals, white sox
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Sound the air-raid sirens
Four consecutive complete games? In the postseason? The White Sox bullpen must really suck!
On another note, since Levi has some stuffed animals that he lines up to watch Cardinals games with him, I decided to do the same on Saturday night with my stuffed animal collection...
I'm sure all the birds were rooting for their brethren the Cardinals, and cats are always in favor of birds running around, and I told Wallace they put cheese on their toasted ravioli in St. Louis, so he was happy -- but I suspect Shaun the Sheep was pulling for Mike Lamb and the Astros. I have no idea what Goofy was thinking.
On another note, since Levi has some stuffed animals that he lines up to watch Cardinals games with him, I decided to do the same on Saturday night with my stuffed animal collection...
I'm sure all the birds were rooting for their brethren the Cardinals, and cats are always in favor of birds running around, and I told Wallace they put cheese on their toasted ravioli in St. Louis, so he was happy -- but I suspect Shaun the Sheep was pulling for Mike Lamb and the Astros. I have no idea what Goofy was thinking.
Labels: astros, Cardinals, mike lamb, white sox
Sunday, October 02, 2005
The views of Bill James do not necessarily reflect...
This is probably going to be the last Bill James excerpt for a while, because it's playoff time. I have balsamic vinegar and cocoa powder in my kitchen right now, two things I have never had in my kitchen before, because I am preparing for Operation Duplicate Chili, in which Levi and I both eat chili made from the same recipe while watching the baseball playoffs, even though we're several thousand miles apart. This can only help the Cardinals. Why, I might even take my stuffed animals into the living room and set them up facing the TV!
The following is from the 1986 Baseball Abstract, and the headline is "Is Steve Sax Available?"
This time around, Bill James lost me in calling Bob Newhart an acquired taste. This was written in late 1985, when he was starring in a very popular sitcom on the CBS Monday night lineup. The modern-day equivalent: would anyone call Ray Romano an acquired taste? No, everybody loves him.
Also, "...undulating slowly between D flat and middle C..." -- I think Bill James may have confused jazz with new age here. I haven't gotten around to reading the 1987 Abstract yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if there's mention of a myriad of fans of both baseball and jazz having written him angry letters in response to this piece. "Jazz is usually played indoors" is very, very funny, however.
The following is from the 1986 Baseball Abstract, and the headline is "Is Steve Sax Available?"
The Houston Astros, I have decided, must be an acquired taste. You know what an acquired taste is, something like French cooking, modern sculpture, jazz, fat women, ballet, Scotch, Russian films...it's hard to define. An acquired taste is a fondness for something the advantages of which are not immediately apparent. An acquired taste in my part of the country is painted saw blades. Do they have those where you are? You go to somebody's house and you discover that above their fireplace they've got a bunch of old, rusty saw blades with farm scenes painted on them, look like a hybrid of Currier and Ives and Norman Rockwell. I don't really understand what the advantages are of having them around, but I figure that they must be an acquired taste. Or like Charlie Chaplin. I mean, W.C. Fields is funny. The Marx Brothers are funny. Charlie Chaplin is an acquired taste.
We all acquire a certain number of inexplicable attachments; mine include Bob Newhart, Jethro Tull albums, sabermetrics, and Pringles potato chips. I am assured by other people in my life that all of these can be hard to get into if you have no history with them. If taken literally, everything in life is an acquired taste with the exception of a few basic staples like salt, sugar, sex, and slapstick comedy, which we all share an enjoyment of; however, the term is not usually applied to things which make an obvious display of their attractions -- in the case of a baseball team, by doing things like winning lots of games, playing interesting baseball, or developing exciting young players. One would never describe the New York Mets, for example, as an acquired taste. Acquired tastes have very subtle advantages. The expression "this must be an acquired taste" is quite useful, inasmuch as it can be adapted to hundreds of situations, meaning something a little different each time.
If you hear the expression "Must be an acquired taste," on leaving a French restaurant or any other restaurant in which the food costs more than $20 a pound and tastes as if the oregano was left out, what it means is "I suppose you'd rather have stopped at Kentucky Fried Chicken, wouldn't you?"
On a date, if you hear the expression "Must be an acquired taste," what it means is "This is the last time I'm going out with this bozo."
In an art gallery, if you hear the expression "I guess it's an acquired taste," what it probably means is "What the hell are we doing here?"
If you're discussing a fondness for some particular poet, painter, playwright, or breed of dog with someone you are close to, and he or she says "I guess it's just an acquired taste," what that means is "I don't want to talk about it right now."
"It's an acquired taste" means either that I'm in the know and you're not, or that this is a particular type of sophistication to which the speaker does not aspire. I do not aspire to be an Astros fan. The Astros are to baseball what jazz is to music. Think about it:
1) Jazz is improvisational. Jazz musicians, uniquely among musicians I hope, sometimes string the elements of their music together as they go, with no particular plan or outline. Do you think the Astros know where they're going? Do you think there's a score for this?
2) Jazz ambles along without crescendos or refrains, going neither andante or allegro and without reaching either fortissimo or pianissimo. A good piece of jazz only uses about half an octave. The ultimate jazz tune is a saxophone player undulating slowly between D flat and middle C.
Similarly, the Houston Astros amble along at 80, 82 wins a year; the last four years they've been 77-85, 85-77, 80-82, and 83-79. Since 1969 the Oakland A's have finished a total of 216 games over .500 in their good seasons, and 169 games under .500 in their bad seasons. The Houston Astros have finished 70 games over .500 in their good seasons, and 67 under in their bad seasons. The ultimate Houston Astros season is one in which they lose on opening day, then win, lose, win, lose, win, etc. until they reach 81-81.
3) Jazz is usually played indoors.
4) Jazz uses comparatively few instruments. Jazz ensembles are rarely enlivened with sousaphones, steel guitars, oboes, bassoons, or any other instrument which might tend to break up the monotony. Similarly, the Houston Astros use comparatively few weapons, relying heavily on the stolen base and the starting pitcher, but with no power hitters, no batting champions, no Ozzie Smiths or Jack Clarks. Both jazz and the Houston Astros, in short, are boring.
5) All jazz music sounds pretty much alike to the uninitiated, that 99.97% of us who haven't acquired the taste; it's repetitious, depressing, ugly, and inclined to bestow a headache upon the recipient. Much the same can be said of the Houston Astros, well known for wearing baseball's ugliest home and road uniforms. Similarly, one Houston Astros season, one Astros game, and one Astros player looks pretty much like the next one.
No, I'm kidding of course; the Astros have been a little boring in recent years, but they'll get over it, and I'm sure jazz is as beautiful, varied, and enjoyable as real music if you happen to have a taste for it. It's just that...well, I'm a night person. During the Abstract crunch (a fifth season, unique to Winchester, Kansas) I start to work around 4:00 P.M. and I work until daybreak. About ten years ago we went through a period where the only thing on the radio between one and four A.M. was country music. I've never understood this...I mean, if you don't like C&W in the middle of the afternoon, why do radio executives think you're suddenly going to be struck with a yen to hear some Merle Haggard at 12:59 A.M.? Now it's jazz; I listen to a mixture of classical music, rock music, and talk shows as I work, and at seven o'clock every evening, they all decide that I'd like to hear Count Basie. Public radio stations, usually a reliable port in a storm, have for some unfathomable reason decided that jazz is socially and morally uplifting, and that they have a responsibility to impose it on us. But if I want to listen to Mozart in the afternoon, why does anybody think I'd want to listen to Miles Davis all night?
Ah well, I've got my Jethro Tull and a stereo, and baseball season's coming...what I should do is get a VCR and record a couple hundred baseball games, and play them back while I'm working. I might even acquire a taste for the Astros.
This time around, Bill James lost me in calling Bob Newhart an acquired taste. This was written in late 1985, when he was starring in a very popular sitcom on the CBS Monday night lineup. The modern-day equivalent: would anyone call Ray Romano an acquired taste? No, everybody loves him.
Also, "...undulating slowly between D flat and middle C..." -- I think Bill James may have confused jazz with new age here. I haven't gotten around to reading the 1987 Abstract yet, but I wouldn't be surprised if there's mention of a myriad of fans of both baseball and jazz having written him angry letters in response to this piece. "Jazz is usually played indoors" is very, very funny, however.
Labels: astros, bill james, bob newhart, chili
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
Jeff Kent
Why, oh, why could Jeff Kent not have looked out at his truck yesterday morning and decided it needed a quick wash?
Steve: Hello friends, I haven't checked in for a while but are any of you Damon lovers troubled by the fact that he's gone from hero to zero in about 10 seconds? His .009 batting average is not going to help the Red Sox dispatch the Yankees and it will also make it difficult for him to get that Pert plus endorsement even though Piazza is kind of washed up. In no way am I trying to say "I told you so" because I never did and am frankly upset at his poor performance but I would say at least 75% of the Red Sox problems start with Mr. Lovelylocks. What say you who have been lining up to get his autograph on your boobs all season? And I don't just mean Stacey!
ps Levi is excused from replying because he has bigger fish to fry right now. I bet his sinker is almost ready and he's warming up to take on Beltran.
Levi: You're right about Damon, sad to say, but he did score the winning run last night.
Oh, and I owe you whatever it is I owe you, as Mr. Bonds did not hit .400. Aargh.
thatbob: My adulation of Damon has almost nothing to do with him being a baseball player, so likewise has almost nothing to do with his slump. I mean, I feel bad for him professionally, and if we were on speaking terms I might even suggest a shave and a haircut to, you know, try and change his luck. But I would still want him to grow it all out again in the post-season.
Has any writing on this blog suggested that (we) like him because he's any good?
stacey: yeah, i'd have to say i'm with bob on this one. my all-cute team has absolutely nothing to do with baseball talent. although johnny's slump is really heart-rending.
Toby: Darn! I knew there was something I forgot the last time I saw Levi. I meant to get his autograph on my boobs.
thatbob: sure hope this link works:
http://www.boston.com/ae/events/halloween/pumpkin_photos?pg=7
Luke, hanger-on: J Damon homered to right, K Millar, B Mueller and O Cabrera scored.
How 'bout them apples?!?
Luke, hanger-on: J Damon homered to right, O Cabrera scored.
And them apples!
I'm never cutting my hair again.
thatbob: Luke (and everyone not watching from the Rocketship) sorry you missed the discussion we had (initiated by Matthew or Ross?) about JD hitting for the SuperCycle. You know: a 4 run homer, a 3 run homer, a 2 run homer, and a solo shot. It looked like he was working towards it with 2 men on for a couple of at-bats, but alas. Well, maybe we'll get to see it in The Series.
Original comments...
Steve: Hello friends, I haven't checked in for a while but are any of you Damon lovers troubled by the fact that he's gone from hero to zero in about 10 seconds? His .009 batting average is not going to help the Red Sox dispatch the Yankees and it will also make it difficult for him to get that Pert plus endorsement even though Piazza is kind of washed up. In no way am I trying to say "I told you so" because I never did and am frankly upset at his poor performance but I would say at least 75% of the Red Sox problems start with Mr. Lovelylocks. What say you who have been lining up to get his autograph on your boobs all season? And I don't just mean Stacey!
ps Levi is excused from replying because he has bigger fish to fry right now. I bet his sinker is almost ready and he's warming up to take on Beltran.
Levi: You're right about Damon, sad to say, but he did score the winning run last night.
Oh, and I owe you whatever it is I owe you, as Mr. Bonds did not hit .400. Aargh.
thatbob: My adulation of Damon has almost nothing to do with him being a baseball player, so likewise has almost nothing to do with his slump. I mean, I feel bad for him professionally, and if we were on speaking terms I might even suggest a shave and a haircut to, you know, try and change his luck. But I would still want him to grow it all out again in the post-season.
Has any writing on this blog suggested that (we) like him because he's any good?
stacey: yeah, i'd have to say i'm with bob on this one. my all-cute team has absolutely nothing to do with baseball talent. although johnny's slump is really heart-rending.
Toby: Darn! I knew there was something I forgot the last time I saw Levi. I meant to get his autograph on my boobs.
thatbob: sure hope this link works:
http://www.boston.com/ae/events/halloween/pumpkin_photos?pg=7
Luke, hanger-on: J Damon homered to right, K Millar, B Mueller and O Cabrera scored.
How 'bout them apples?!?
Luke, hanger-on: J Damon homered to right, O Cabrera scored.
And them apples!
I'm never cutting my hair again.
thatbob: Luke (and everyone not watching from the Rocketship) sorry you missed the discussion we had (initiated by Matthew or Ross?) about JD hitting for the SuperCycle. You know: a 4 run homer, a 3 run homer, a 2 run homer, and a solo shot. It looked like he was working towards it with 2 men on for a couple of at-bats, but alas. Well, maybe we'll get to see it in The Series.
Labels: astros, Cardinals, jeff kent
