"Our lives have taken an odd turn"

Things seen in “Dancin’ Homer,” one of my favorite “Simpsons” episodes, that we will probably experience on this trip:

• The Capital City Goofball, or at least his real-life equivalent, the Phillie Phanatic
• A domed stadium so quiet, you can hear every individual smart-ass remark (in Montreal; of course, many of the remarks will be in French)

Things from that episode which I hope to experience on this trip:

• An advertisement for a savings and loan proclaiming it “Safe from 1890-1986; 1988-“
• A grounds crew/bullpen cart shaped like a baseball
• A live organist playing “Baby Elephant Walk” with a reggae beat
• The intersection of 4th Street and D

Things I hope we don’t experience:

• A 26-minute-long version of the national anthem
• Seats in the upper upper upper mezzanine