I saw a great statement today in an article in the April issue of Harper’s about Jim Bouton’s recent book, Foul Ball: My Life and Hard Times Trying to Save an Old Ballpark, from Bouton’s one-time teammate Steve Hovley:
“Religion is like baseball . . . great game, bad owners.”
You know, I didn’t even mention the Fox Sports Net promo in which the burglars are ransacking a house, but stop and put all the stuff back after they spy…some Devil Rays autographed collector’s items. At the end of the spot, the burglars leave a note: “Sorry about the window.”
I’m pretty sure this is a promo used in every FSN region, with the only difference being a different team’s merchandise in the point-of-view shot. But, really, shouldn’t Fox Sports Net Florida have also re-edited it so that the note read “Sorry about the Devil Rays”?
But it’s all moot, as far as I’m concerned, now that I informed a DirecTV “entertainment consultant” of my sincere desire to not have my DirecTV bill go up by $35.00 a month after my introductory period ends. I think it’s a little creepy that they can take away channels instantly while you’re still on the phone with them (it seems to take hours, if not days, for the cable company to make changes). Kind of makes you wonder what else they can take away.
Actually, as I understand it, the MLB pay-per-view package is probably going to be free for the first week of the season, so maybe I’ll end up watching a Devil Rays regular-season game, assuming every other game being played simultaneously is in a rain delay (or snow delay) and my TiVo has failed to record any “Match Game” episodes recently.
I believe that last line should be “…it’s the best place in Tampa Bay to run around like a deranged orphan.”
Links to e-mail me and Levi are now at the bottom of the page, under the archives links.
I’ve been thinking about how I would go about promoting the Devil Rays, if that were part of my sentence for some particularly heinous crime.
It’s tough. You can’t try to convince people that you’re going to win, because they’ve been watching for six years and they know which Sandberg you have on your team.
You can’t tell them about hope for the future, because even a casual fan can see that there’s no hope in the near future of passing the Orioles, let alone the Blue Jays, Red Sox, then the Yankees.
And you can’t use the Wrigley Field approach, selling drunken fun in the sun, because you play here.
You can’t even sell the team on the nine games they play against the Yankees at home, the only games that the mostly-100-year-old retirees from New York City who comprise your market care about. After all, it’s only nine games, and the Devil Rays know they’re bound to lose seven or eight of them.
So maybe the Devil Rays do have the right idea with the silly ad Jim described of the kids discussing the merits of Tino Martinez and Aubrey Huff. You’ve got to go for the kids. But, as in most activities, the D-Rays are going about this the wrong way. Here’s the text of my radio ad, which would run on, like, Radio Disney.
“Kids. Are you stuck visiting at Grandma’s house with NOTHING to do but watch Wheel of Fortune? And you can’t go anywhere because you can’t drive and our public transit system is nonexistent? And there are no other kids in the neighborhood because the only kids in Florida are at Tomorrowland right now?
I bet your Grandma doesn’t even have any video games.
That’s right. Being at Grandma’s sucks. It might be the only thing that sucks more than . . . . YOUR TAMPA BAY DEVIL RAYS!
Get Grandma to drop you off at the ballpark today! Tropicana Field: it’s the best place in Tampa to run around like a deranged orphan!”
I suppose I should give my email in case the Devil Rays want to give me a consulting contract. Oh, and the ad should be read in a wacky, kid-friendly voice.
Hanger-on Sandy passed along this story. It seems that Kris Benson’s wife Anna has already thought through what she’s going to do if he cheats on her. I can’t speak for the married half of baseballrelated.com, but as far as the single half is concerned, this is the first time being a Mets batboy has ever seemed like a good idea.
This is Anna Benson. (Don’t worry, the picture is reasonably safe for work.)
Now, what about Mrs. Jose Lima?
Dan: I should have passed this story along earlier.. The Stern interview was about two weeks ago. She’s insane, and now with Pedro on board, his little friend is fair game. Among other people, I believe, who shall remain nameless.
I’ve already wanted to float the Mets clubhouse reality show — between her, Pedro and accompanying midget, Mike Piazza and his debated sexuality… I WANT Sammy here, not even to play but to add to the comedy.
Levi: Hmm. The timing on this story does make me wonder about Pedro’s motives for becoming a Met.
maura: i’d probably steer clear of mrs. lima for now…
http://msn.foxsports.com/story/3212570
Jim: Not to mention steering clear of the entire Dominican Republic!
Dominican Republic: That’s not fair, Jim. We don’t all have herpes.
Haiti: Well, don’t try to blame us!
Oh, those poor Devil Rays. You know it’s bad when your commercial is based on a premise (two kids being Devil Rays fans) that is so unlikely that even that Cadillac ad using Led Zeppelin seems more realistic.
But maybe that’s their idea. They want to distract viewers with the only premise less likely than the Rays winning 75 games?
Because my DirecTV introductory offer is up in a few days, I’m going to be canceling their sports channel package (turns out it’s not going to be worth $12.00 a month to be able to watch “The Best Damn Sports Show Period” on 15 different channels). However, I took advantage of it one last time today to watch some spring training baseball…Tigers vs. Devil Rays, from “Progress Energy Park, home of Al Lang Field,” as the announcers were careful to say.
During one commercial break, there was a promo for Devil Rays tickets: two kids on the beach arguing about who’s better, Aubrey Huff or Tino Martinez. “Tino’s the man!” “Aubrey’s the man!” Meanwhile, there’s sand being thrown on them; eventually, the scene widens to show that Pansy the Wuss-Wuss Fish has constructed a giant replica World Series trophy out of sand. Then one of the kids yells, “We’re trying to make sandcastles here!”
Oh, yeah, Rays 11, Tigers 3, but to be fair, it seemed like the Rays were using a lot of actual players, while the Tigers were using a lot of players with uniform numbers above 70, including some 3-digit numbers.
Entertainment Weekly, talking about Chris Rock on tour: “He travels with two iPods: one for music, one for comedy, with playlists including Buddy Hackett, Mel Brooks and Carl Reiner, Moms Mabley, Steve Martin, and Redd Foxx, among others.”
Edited later to explain further, since this is something Levi and I discussed pre-blog: we will be traveling with two iPods, one for music (mine) and one for comedy (Levi’s), although we will probably have more Jack Benny radio shows and fewer Moms Mabley routines than Chris Rock.
I just want to point this out for posterity: right now, as I’m looking at this blog, the two related-to-the-text-of-the-page “Ads by Google” at the top are headlined “Steroids For Sale” and “Buy Steroids Online.”
And then the “Related Searches” in the small print below the ads are “minor league baseball” and “Barry Bonds.”
I may have to root for the Blue Jays solely because I really like their new logo. I might even go so far as to buy a replica Jays cap while on the trip, assuming they’re being sold at a reasonable price and they have them in Imperial measurement sizes (because my head’s not metric).