Hey, the baseball season starts tomorrow! Here are the 2010 predictions from both Sports Illustrated and a quick-and-dirty Bill James formula [(2009 wins*2)+(2008 wins)/3].
||Player to Watch
||Player to Watch
|1. N.Y. Yankees (100-62)
||Javier Vazquez (RHP)
||1. N.Y. Yankees (98-64)
||Derek Jeter (SS), who I’m expecting to find himself distracted by his gigantic house in my old neck of the woods in Tampa. A lot of things can go wrong with a house that size, beginning with satellites crashing into it, having been attracted by its gravitational pull.
|2. Tampa Bay Rays (95-67)
||Jeff Niemann (RHP)
||2. Boston Red Sox (95-67)
||Kevin Youkilis (1B), because I like saying “Yooooook.”
|3. Boston Red Sox (93-69)
||Mike Cameron (CF)
||3. Tampa Bay Rays (88-74)
||Pansy the Wuss-Wuss Fish Who Can’t Keep It Up (mascot), for what should be obvious reasons.
|4. Baltimore Orioles (76-86)
||Nick Markakis (RF)
||4. Toronto Blue Jays (79-83)
||Marc Rzepczynski (LHP) — want to find out how to pronounce that.
|5. Toronto Blue Jays (64-98)
||Ricky Romero (LHP)
||5. Baltimore Orioles (65-97)
||Cesar Izturis (SS) — enjoy his salad, like him on “The Dog Whisperer.”
|1. Minnesota Twins (88-74)
||Orlando Hudson (2B)
||1. Minnesota Twins (87-75)
||The Minnesota Weather (environment) now that the Twins are in an outdoor stadium.
|2. Detroit Tigers (82-80)
||Johnny Damon (LF)
||2. Chicago White Sox (82-80)
||Gordon Beckham (2B) — we know he can play soccer, but what about baseball?
|3. Chicago White Sox (79-83)
||Jake Peavy (RHP)
||3. Detroit Tigers (82-80)
||Johnny Damon (LF), of course, of course.
|4. Cleveland Indians (66-96)
||Fausto Carmona (RHP)
||4. Cleveland Indians (70-92)
||Fausto Carmona (RHP), who has obviously sold his soul to the devil in order to beat the Yankees, who are unfortunately in a different division.
|5. Kansas City Royals (65-97)
||Zack Greinke (RHP)
||5. Kansas City Royals (68-94)
||Zack Greinke (RHP) — surely some Kansas City-based agribusiness research facility is working on cloning technology as we speak that would allow the Royals to have a rotation of five Greinkes.
|1. L.A. Angels (89-73)
||Ervin Santana (RHP)
||1. L.A. Angels (98-64)
||Jered Weaver (RHP) — I have a co-worker named Jarad who is originally from the greater Anaheim area. What is it with Orange County and weird spellings of “Jared”?
|2. Texas Rangers (87-75)
||Josh Hamilton (RF)
||2. Texas Rangers (84-78)
||Jarrod Saltalamacchia (C) — always fun to see how they manage to cram his name onto the back of his jersey.
|3. Seattle Mariners (83-79)
||Milton Bradley (LF)
||3. Seattle Mariners (77-85)
||David Aardsma (RHP) — first in war, first in peace, first in alphabetical order.
|4. Oakland Athletics (79-83)
||Ben Sheets (RHP)
||4. Oakland Athletics (75-87)
||Coco Crisp (CF), who always makes me hungry for cereal.
|1. Philadelphia Phillies (100-62)
||Cole Hamels (LHP)
||1. Philadelphia Phillies (93-69)
||Placido Polanco (3B), who should be singing the National Anthem before every game — or am I thinking of Enrico Palazzo?
|2. Atlanta Braves (89-73)
||Billy Wagner (LHP)
||2. Florida Marlins (86-76)
||John Baker (C) — okay, that’s how he registers at hotels, but what’s his real name?
|3. Florida Marlins (82-80)
||Ricky Nolasco (RHP)
||3. Atlanta Braves (81-81)
||Jair Jurrjens (RHP) — hopefully he’s less annoying on the Braves than he was in The Phantom Menace.
|4. N.Y. Mets (79-83)
||Daniel Murphy (1B)
||4. N.Y. Mets (76-86)
||Angel Pagan (OF) — most oxymoronic name in baseball.
|5. Washington Nationals (67-95)
||Nyjer Morgan (CF)
||5. Washington Nationals (59-103)
||Nyjer Morgan (CF) — great XTC song: “Making Plans for Nyjer.”
|1. St. Louis Cardinals (87-75)
||Colby Rasmus (CF)
||1. St. Louis Cardinals (89-73)
||Albert Pujols (1B) — how can you not watch Albert Pujols?
|2. Chicago Cubs (81-81)
||Geovany Soto (C)
||2. Chicago Cubs (88-74)
||Carlos Zambrano (RHP) — because I still can’t remember which one is Carlos and which one is Victor.
|3. Cincinnati Reds (79-83)
||Homer Bailey (RHP)
||3. Milwaukee Brewers (83-79)
||Trevor Hoffman (RHP) — has anyone yet done a polka version of “Hell’s Bells” in his honor?
|4. Milwaukee Brewers (77-85)
||Alcides Escobar (SS)
||4. Houston Astros (78-84)
||Roy Oswalt (RHP) — his brother Patton is very, very funny.
|5. Houston Astros (69-93)
||Brett Myers (RHP)
||5. Cincinnati Reds (77-85)
||Homer Bailey (RHP) — with a name like Homer, how did he end up as a pitcher and not a hitter?
|6. Pittsburgh Pirates (65-97)
||Andrew McCutchen (CF)
||6. Pittsburgh Pirates (64-98)
||The Primanti Sandwich (concession) — sadly, again this year, probably going to be the best thing that makes its home in PNC Park.
|1. Colorado Rockies (91-71)
||Todd Helton (1B)
||1. L.A. Dodgers (91-71)
||Manny Ramirez (LF) — because no doubt he’s going to make something interesting happen.
|2. L.A. Dodgers (87-75)
||Chad Billingsley (RHP)
||2. Colorado Rockies (86-76)
||Huston Street (RHP) — waiting to see if he gets a street named after him, and if it’ll be handled the same way it was handled when Eugenius H. Outerbridge had a bridge named after him. (Actually, there already is a “Street Road” in the Philadelphia area. Maybe he should go to the Phillies.)
|3. San Francisco Giants (83-79)
||Brian Wilson (RHP)
||3. San Francisco Giants (83-79)
||Barry Zito (LHP), who wears his pants cuffs high and will therefore be showing off the Giants’ awesome new striped socks.
|4. Arizona Diamondbacks (82-80)
||Mark Reynolds (3B)
||4. Arizona Diamondbacks (74-88)
||Augie Ojeda (IF) — I always wonder if his father’s name is Ojeda Daddy.
|5. San Diego Padres (66-96)
||Kyle Blanks (LF)
||5. San Diego Padres (71-91)
||Will Venable (RF) — waiting for him to be around long enough that he becomes Will Venerable.