What are the odds? Let’s find out

During the Dodgers’ 12-1 loss yesterday to the Mets, the only interesting thing to happen to the home fans was that two of them in adjacent seats caught consecutive foul balls.

And I could have been there — someone at my office sent out an e-mail saying she had 10 free tickets available, first come first

serve. But it was a rare weekday day game, and I didn’t think my boss would appreciate me taking a 3-hour lunch. (I’m definitely glad I didn’t fake appendicitis for a 12-1 game. I probably wouldn’t have caught a foul ball, either.)

He knows more about baseball than biology

There is an article about John Kruk in the June issue of Playboy. The most amusing anecdote is this one: after his bout with testicular cancer that left him with less gravitas than before (in the Stephen Colbert sense), he fathered a

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son. Soon after the birth, he had a maternity nurse hold the baby up to the window, pull down its diaper, and verify for him that it had two testicles.


At last night’s Cubs/Reds game, two rows in front of me, sitting with a couple of season ticket holders whom I recognize but don’t know, was a guy who had neglected to bring his shirt. He had, however, brought–and was displaying in their full glory–his late-seventies porn-star curls and moustache and his oddly incongruous gothic-lettered “Chi Town” tattoo, which was in the spot on the back where a tramp stamp would go on a gal.

His appearance alone, and his obvious joy in it, would have been worthy of note. But then he added to his allure by catching not one but two foul balls. Our section hardly ever gets foul balls hit anywhere near it, but last night Mr. Chi Town No-Shirt got one while strolling the aisle just to the left of us and a second that bounced right up to him in his seat. I had hopes that he would trade one of them to a drunk for a shirt, but it was not to be.

Maddux: CCC

I TiVoed the Cubs-Giants game today, because they’re still inconveniently scheduling baseball games for hours while I’m working. This would not have been a bad choice for a national Game of the Week, but I guess Fox and MLB are still firmly committed to the “regional” concept for the Saturday afternoon Fox coverage. Too bad it’s nearly impossible to see any Saturday afternoon game other than the one being shown in your local area (they’re not carried on the MLB Extra Innings pay-per-view package).

I am really, really tired of people in the front row leaning way over to try to get foul balls, or worse, fair balls that have rolled foul and are still in play. During this game, someone went all the way over the rail to try to get a foul ball, but jumped right back over. Fox practically made him into a folk hero, to the point of including him in the “play of the game” poll…and his play was, of course, the choice of a majority of the cell-phone-using people who bothered to vote. I contend he should have been thrown out of the stadium.

Maybe I’m slightly jealous of people who get to sit that close, but I’d still like to see the year-by-year numbers of fan interference calls…although I guess they’d have to be adjusted for the fact that most of these new stadiums have more seats closer to the action than the stadiums they replaced.

Anyway, speaking of people who get to sit close, the one celebrity Fox could find in the stands was Jim Belushi (and he was sitting in an upper deck anyway). Didn’t any Fox stars want to go to this game? If I were a cast member on a Fox show, I would have demanded tickets for me and Caroline Dhavernas, late of “Wonderfalls,” who I believe still technically counts as a Fox star. (Wait a minute, by that same logic, I could also go to the game with Paget Brewster of “Andy Richter Controls the Universe” and Sarah Silverman of “Greg the Bunny”! All right, enough of my rich fantasy life.)

In conclusion, if Levi were near a computer this weekend, he’d probably be saying something about Larry Walker.

Original comments…

Levi: Does Jim Belushi even count as a celebrity? Even for Fox?

Jim: Jim Belushi is the star of a surprisingly popular sitcom on ABC. He’s got his name in the title of the show and everything! A lot more people have heard of him than have heard of Caroline Dhavernas, that’s for sure.

Toby: Is Paget Brewster related to Punky Brewster? Or is that a whole separate family of Brewsters?

Levi: When I returned from the rehearsal dinner at midnight (Stacey had fled earlier with the niece and nephew, because she was worn out from, well, being around the niece and nephew.), I turned on the highlights and almost passed out. Larry Walker? I wanted to call my brother or bang on his hotel room door or something. But then I thought more sensibly, decided he needed a good night’s sleep on his wedding weekend, and went to bed instead.

But I did wake Stacey to tell her.

Jason: Why would Fox be pointing out an ABC ‘star’? Couldn’t they find a shot of Calista Flockhart eating a hot dog?

Foul ball etiquette

Someone at the Dallas Morning News web site had a little too much time on his hands.

Original comments…

thatbob: Five of those six graphics should have been framed in the big red circle/slash element which signifies to “DON’T” do something. I hope these unadorned graphics don’t find their way into stadia nationwide and wreak havoc with foul ball etiquette. (I couldn’t notice that title, “Foul Ball Etiquette.” Apparently all rules are off when you’re trying to catch a Barry Bonds homer.)

I have no desire to be the biggest jerk in the park

If we’re going to go after foul balls on the trip, we’d better make sure there aren’t any kids in the way, unless we know for a fact that the kid has a lifelong dream of being on “Good Morning America.” Personally, I’ve always preferred the “Today” show.

Original comments…

Steve: Whatever…It’s not like the kid even got trampled. Who among us hasn’t pushed a four year old out of the way. They often show up at the most inopportune places. At least its nice to see that baseball is falling all over itself to make amends. For what I don’t know but it’s pretty clear that the media in this country is dying for some “feel-good” stores. Well, off to rescue some puppies and kittens.

Eric: Let’s not idealize 4-year-olds. A lot of 4-year-olds are selfish little jerks. A 4-year-old’s mom tried to take my seat on an airplane, as the stewardess explained, “because they want to sit together.” “Tough shit!” I told the stewardess. “I want to have sex with Jennifer Connelly, so I guess that makes two of us aren’t going to get what we want.” I mean, come on. A 4-year-old can’t sit quietly on his own for a two-hour flight? They have to push me out of my comfortable, front-of-the-plane aisle seat into a middle seat at the back of the plane? What bullshit. Being 4 years old is no excuse for anything.

They didn’t even ask if I would voluntarily give up my seat. The stewardess just put them there and told me I had to move. United, man. “Fly the airline where all the employees hate you.”

Luke: If a foul ball comes our way at Busch, feel free to trample all over me, if it might send some swag our way.

Dr. Octopus: I push 4-year-olds out of the way all the time! Even when I’m not at the ballpark! And with all my tentacles, I can push down numerous 4-year-olds simultaneously! Ha ha ha ha!