The sparkly scorpion

Here’s David Ortiz wearing an awesome jacket on “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” last night. Aren’t you

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What does Patty and Selma’s iguana have to do with the World Series?

One problem with starting the World Series on a Wednesday is that I don’t go straight home from work on Wednesdays; I volunteer at Reading for the Blind and Dyslexic, recording textbooks. Now, I don’t have a problem watching baseball on TiVo delay, but the big problem here was that I had to make my baseball chili ahead of time (which I did on Wednesday).

Anyway, as I was leaving the RFB&D studio at 7:00 tonight, I heard a loud voice coming from across the parking lot. My first thought was, “Wow, someone’s really talking loud on their cell phone.” Then I heard a different loud voice, and thought, “Wow, why are those two people talking so loud to each other?” And then I realized what the voices were, and realized that someone was sitting in their car with the windows down listening to the World Series on the radio. I hummed loudly

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as I walked to my car because I didn’t want to hear Jon Miller give the score. (Fortunately, all I really heard from him was the phrase “It’s a change-up.”)

Not that hearing the score at that point would have mattered much.

Since I did end up watching it on TV, I can report that in the bottom of the 3rd, Joe Buck referred to Chris Myers as “our little jub-jub.” This is because, when Joe Buck was on “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” last week, Conan offered $1,000 for his favorite charity if he’d work “jub-jub” somewhere into the game broadcast, “jub-jub” being something that Conan would blurt at random moments in the “Simpsons” writers’ room.

Just when you had forgotten about the hockey robots

As is my habit, I watched my recording of last night’s “Late Night with Conan O’Brien” during the 5:00 P.M. hour today. Joe Buck was the third guest, promoting tonight’s Fox “‘Wonderfalls’ Memorial Friday Night Broadcast” of the Red Sox-Yankees game, and at one point, the topic turned to Fox’s new innovations for their baseball coverage this year.

Their discussion of one of the innovations led me to immediately start the TiVo recording the game, mainly because I wanted to see if it really existed, or if this was a bizarre example of Joe Buck’s deadpan sarcastic humor.

The innovation in question is Scooter the animated talking baseball, and he really does exist, much like the bubonic plague really does exist. Now, upon hearing about Scooter, Conan immediately did an impression of him, saying in a high voice, “Hey, kids, a slider moves from side to side!”

Since the game had already started, my TiVo recording only captured the third inning on, and I had to fast-forward all the way to the eighth inning, stopping only to admire Johnny Damon’s hair, before Scooter showed up. Now, first of all, referring to him as “animated” is an insult to actual animators, by which I mean that Fox just has him making one certain mouth movement over and over again while he’s supposedly talking; even the cheapest 10-frame-per-second cartoons never resorted to that sort of thing (in fact, the cheapest cartoon ever, “Clutch Cargo,” superimposed actual mouths on the drawings rather than have incorrect mouth movements).

And, as you might have guessed, Conan’s impression was almost perfect; the only fault was that it wasn’t long enough. Here is my transcript of the Scooter segment I saw: “What’s up, bros? This is Scooter. When Scooter really wants to scoot, it’s time for a little heat. The pitcher just rears back and throws me as hard as he can. Whoa! A good fastball comes so fast, a hitter has no time to react. Stee-rike!”

Anyone who thinks Tom Kenny should start limiting himself to HBO sketch comedy programs and maybe “Powerpuff Girls,” raise your hand. I thought so.

Original comments…

Levi: You must be making this up. Otherwise, there’s no hope in the universe. And I refuse to believe that.