Tag: derek jeter

The Searchers

I noticed today that around a dozen people had been led to my other blog this weekend by searching for “Jason Giambi thong.” So, steeling myself against the hideous assortment of possible discoveries that flitted through my clearly too-active mind, I plugged those terms into {a popular search engine that may or may not employ Jim} and discovered . . . this.

Apparently Giambi is the owner of a gold lame thong, which he dons when he feels the need for some supernatural help in breaking a slump. But that’s not the worst of it: he also has on occasion lent this thong to teammates who felt a similar need! Derek Jeter and Johnny Damon have both admitted to wearing it. Jeter told the Daily News,

“I had it over my shorts and stuff. I was 0-for-32 and I hit a homer on the first pitch. That’s the only time I’ve ever worn it.”

{Editorial note: wouldn’t you have expected “and stuff” to be in brackets?}

I’ll leave you with a hypothetical question for those Yankee fans out there: is winning worth this? Will you ever be able to sleep again, having pictured Jason Giambi in a gold thong? Would a quiet last-place finish really be so bad?

The Giambi Apocalypse and the Elven Skipper

Hang around me and Stacey long enough, and you’re sure to hear us speculating about the dangers of the coming zombie apocalypse. We’ll enter a building and note whether the doors open in (bad) or out (good); we’ll speculate on whether a bow is a good anti-zombie weapon (no, because eventually you’re going to have to go get the arrows); we’ll weigh the merits of having a zombie apocalypse supply cache (shotgun, ammo, canned brains) versus having a bird flu apocalypse supply cache (water, hand crank radio, forty pounds of peanut butter).

Well, after paying close attention to Friday night’s Yankees-Tigers game, we’re beginning to wonder whether we were focused on the wrong danger. The coming disaster isn’t a zombie apocalypse . . . it’s a Giambi apocalypse.

Several times during the game, Fox’s X-treme Close-up Camera caught Derek Jeter lifting his cap off his large head and adjusting it. The next shot, inevitably, would be of Zombie Giambi, eyes rolling and mouth wide, in near-ecstasy at the thought of Jeter’s delectable brains.

So in anticipation of the Giambi Apocalypse, what should we put in our supply cache? After this weekend, I know two things: Kenny Rogers and, just to be safe, this guy.

Operation Duplicate Chili: a qualified success

Hey, look, I made chili! And there are plenty of things to put on and in it, including Farmer John brand bacon, in honor of the poor Dodgers (their longtime sponsor, one of the few “longtime” things the Dodgers still have)…

The chili would probably taste a little better if Derek Jeter weren’t on TV, but that’s what Fox gives us…

I call this only a “qualified success” because I’ve heard no reports from Levi on whether he’s eating chili as well, which was the whole point of Operation Duplicate Chili. Levi’s been jet-setting all about, going from apple orchards to public libraries in the Pacific Northwest. But since I have plenty of the chili left over — and most of the makings for a second batch — it’s a safe bet that we’ll be eating the

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same chili some night in October. Actually, not exactly the same, since I bet Levi won’t be putting bacon on top of his.

The best part of the game was the tape of Joe Torre interviewing Gene Autry in the Angels’ locker room in 1986; that tape’s probably been shown before, but I don’t remember having seen it.