Basebrawl, the fun version

Now, even if you didn’t enjoy Jason Varitek’s attempt to pluck out Alex Rodriguez’s eyes on Saturday, I think you’ll enjoy the brawl from last night’s White Sox/Twins game as presented by Batgirl.

What, you say? There was no brawl? Well, she thinks there should have been, after Corey Koskie was hit by pitches three times in the game. And she’s got Lego men and a digital camera, all she needs to make her own brawl.

By the way: what do you think Varitek was going to do with A-Rod’s eyes if he got them? At first I thought he was planning ahead to use the hidden ball trick, but I don’t think that would work as well with eyeballs as it did with a potato that one time.

Original comments…

Dan: I think I read Varitek was going to threaten to throw his eyes into the Tigris River unless the Yankees withdrew their club from first place.

Jason: I think he was confusing Alex Rodriguez with Bette Davis.

Just ask Kim Carnes.

Alternate universe version of the trip number two, almost finished

Indians 5, Royals 1. Brand-new Hall of Famer Dennis Eckersley started his career in Cleveland, which I didn’t realize until I looked him up just now.

Tomorrow: Speaking of brand-new Hall of Famers, it’s Milwaukee, home to Paul Molitor for most of his career. This was pretty well-planned, eh?

Back here in the real world, on the lookout for airplane reading material for the trip, I came across “Sandy Koufax: A Lefty’s Legacy” on the bargain shelves at Barnes & Noble for $3.98.

Alternate universe version of the trip number two, continued

Blue Jays 4, Devil Rays 2. The Rays’ winning streak of June is now but a distant memory.

Tomorrow: Cleveland! Actually, it’s late enough that it’s later today, really. My excuse is that, since this is only a pretend version of the trip, I can go to a friend’s birthday karaoke party in real life.

Alternate universe version of the trip number two, continued

Expos 2, Marlins 1. I don’t know, Les Poissons didn’t look like World Series champs to me. But maybe that’s because I’m still bitter.

Tomorrow: Toronto, and at last, I won’t look so out of place with the Devil Rays cap I’ve been wearing this whole time!

Original comments…

Jason: You should probably have washed your Rays hat by now. Just because you’re in a French-speaking region, that’s no excuse to drop your sanitary habits.

Schubert, Schumann, and Senators?

According to a Washington-based media news site, assuming the greater D.C. area really is getting the Expos, one radio station group owner is already looking forward to getting the broadcast rights…and putting the broadcasts on their classical station, which would henceforth use the slogan “Bach, Beethoven, and baseball.”

Elsewhere, someone has already suggested Washington Insiders as a team name. If it were up to me, though, I’d follow the Swing of the Quad Cities model and name the team The Fat Cats in Washington.

Original comments…

Jason: I’d name them the D.C. Follies. It fits so well.

Dan: Or do the trendy non-plural team name: The D.C. Cab.

Batgirl, the baseball variety

Got some time to kill on a slow Friday afternoon at the office? Stop playing Minesweeper and check out Batgirl’s site. I found it yesterday, and she sold me with this post that features a lot of great possibilities for newspaper headlines about that day’s Twins win.

She’s a Twins fan, which is probably all you need to know about the depth of her passion for baseball. Although I enjoyed the Hubert H. Humphrey Metrodome the one time I was there, it would take a great love of baseball for someone to spend more than a couple of the beautiful days of the Twin Cities’ short summer staring at the baggie in right field instead of having a beer at an outdoor restaurant and keeping your eyes out for Prince.

We’re talking The Human Computer and Fruit Pies kinda love. That’s the kind of love Batgirl has for the Twins.

Original comments…

Jason: Talking in the 3rd person? Is she Bob Dole’s granddaughter?

Jason wonders if she’s gone to any St. Paul Saints games. Jason would go if Jason was in the Twin Cities area.

Donna Cochener: leeeeeviiii…. when you guys do your baseball roadtrip, can you get me a Hello Kitty from each team? It’s my newest collection. I’ll pay you for the Kitties and for the pain and suffering, too. 🙂 I already have a Mariners Hello Kitty and a Dodgers Hello Kitty, so those are covered…

Levi: No.

Well, maybe.

Note my kindness getting the better of my better judgment here. I think Hello Kitty should be put on just about everything . . . except baseball trip itineraries.

stacey: donna, if levi won’t get you a hello kitty from each park, i’ll make you several slices of hello kitty toast and mail them to you.

Just in time

According to this story, officials from the Major League Baseball Players’ Union met with Montreal Expos player reps yesterday to inform them that there would be no baseball in Montreal next season. The team’s new home hasn’t been decided, but it appears that it will be either Washington, DC, or northern Virginia.

Since one of the main reasons Jim and I are taking this trip is to see the Montreal Expos, I’m glad we didn’t put the trip off a year.

But before the Expos leave us, one more thing needs to be said: Major League Baseball killed baseball in Montreal. Though baseball in Montreal was never a good bet to be as big as in baseball’s best cities, the Expos were popular in the past, and there’s no reason to think that, with a winning team and smart ownership, they couldn’t be popular in the future.

Take a look at this chart of Expos home attendance through the years. From 1979-1983, when the Expos were winning at a .543 clip (picking up their one division title along the way and finishing second (to the Pirates) twice), the Expos averaged nearly 28,000 fans per game. Attendance fell along with the Expos’ winning percentage throughout the 1980s and into the 1990s, but it didn’t utterly collapse until the late 1990s, on the heels of two fire sales and the loss of the 1994 postseason, which cost the best Expos team in 15 years its chance at a World Series.

If this were any other business, some smart young rich guy would look at those figures and decide to take a crack on turning baseball around in Montreal. But in the Seligian fiefdom that is MLB, the 30 owners thought they were better off with wrangling another taxpayer-funded stadium, depressing salaries for a few years, and trying (and failing) an experiment in Puerto Rico. And as for the remaining Expos fans, well, tough merde.

So enjoy your new Senators or Swamp Rats or K Street Killers or Suburban Sluggers or whatever, [insert name of Expos new home city or region here], in the new stadium you built them. But you might want to get started drawing up the paperwork on those bonds for 2035, when Zombie Selig will reveal that the stadium is antiquated and will keep the team from ever succeeding, and if you don’t build a new one, he might just have to authorize a move to . . . . Montreal.

Ya never know

The last two Cardinals games have provided an example of one of the reasons I like baseball. Day to day, you never know what kind of game you’ll get. One day, you hit five home runs and win 11-8. The next, you get three hits–two by your pitcher–and win 1-0.

You never know what you’re going to get, that is, unless you’re Barry Bonds, in which case you at least know you’ll get walked about 1300 times per game.

Alternate universe version of the trip number two, continued

Yankees 10, Blue Jays 3. No Jeter! No Giambi! Yankees still win. Levi grumbling about not being able to watch the Cardinals’ current awesomeness.

Wait a minute. What am I doing up so late? We’ve got to get up early to make it to a day game in Boston tomorrow!

Alternate universe version of the trip, number two

The answer to the question posed at the end of this entry is, no, I won’t remember when July 17th rolls around. So here’s the first half of Itinerary Number Two…

Saturday, July 17: Cubs 5, Brewers 0. A complete-game shutout for Greg Maddux!

Sunday, July 18: Tigers 4, Yankees 2. The Tigers get their 44th win, one more win than they had all last season!

Monday, July 19: Expos 6, Pirates 2. A rare Expos win!

Tuesday, July 20: Marlins 9, Mets 7. A seesaw battle in the Big Apple!

Tomorrow: The Bronx! Also: More exclamation points?!