One of these things is not like the other

1) Damon claims in this article that it took him only three weeks to grow the beard. But then he goes on to say that he will have it back in about ten days. Maybe that means he’s getting better with practice?

2) According to an article Stacey found, which I can’t find right now, Damon’s been shaving since he was six. That’s what she says.

3) And just to leave you all warm and fuzzy, here are Damon’s reasons for choosing tutoring program at the Boston Public Library and a city program, ReadBoston, as the beneficiaries of his charitable act:

“I didn’t read well when I was young,” said Damon. “They help kids do that. My parents were always working. I never had help on my homework, so it just related a lot with my life and me growing up. I think it just helps out everybody. It brings awareness and hopefully, they can get a lot more donations and help out a lot more kids, and that’s what Boston’s about. We have all these colleges here. We want to try to make each kid smart enough to go to these colleges.

“We’re going to have even more ‘smahtah’ kids here in Boston.”

You all know what to do.

4) In today’s non-Damon note, I noticed something interesting that recent Cardinals call-up the Third Molina was doing last night while catching Chris Carpenter. In the late innings, as Carpenter tired and his pitches started to float up a bit, Molina began dropping his target all the way to the dirt. He’d set up, then hunker down and more or less lay the open glove in the dirt. The tactic seemed to work: Carpenter started aiming at the glove, and the pitches, when they didn’t drop as much as they should have, ended up around the knees rather than around the belt. Does anyone know if this is a trick that Jose Molina or Bengie Molina uses?

Original comments:

Bengie Molina: I use that trick all the time. I also have the picture of a fly painted on the inside of my mitt, which the pitcher attempts to squash. It seems to help, unless a real fly lands on the end of the bat.

Levi: The real question, though, is how the hell a family produces three major leaguers at one position?

Were there no pitcher or shortstop genes in their family? Or did those all go to the gals?

sandor: Smart idea, Bengie. Been to Amsterdam lately?

Secho: What we do know is that Mr. and Mrs. Molina were pretty quick to get their groove back on after Bengie was born. His birthday is July 20, 1974, while Jose’s is June 3, 1975. So they are, at this moment, both 29 years old, and not twins. So I guess itt’s not too surprising that they share common talents and interests, though you would think one of them would’ve been pitching to the other one all those years.

Who were the last set of 3 brothers to play major league ball simultaneously? The Alous?

Levi: I think it’s the Alous. The only other trios I can come up with off the top of my head are the DiMaggios and the Boyers. I know there have been at least a couple more.

I really like what I’ve seen of The Third Molina so far, although he does still look not quite ready for a full-time job in the majors.

stacey: did the third benes brother never make it out of the minors? they were all pitchers, i believe. maybe they grew up down the street from the molinas.

Luke: Pat Hughes and Dave Otto were discussing this during last night’s game — Ron Santo was taking the series off, so there was much more talk about actual baseball and much less about hairpieces, sweaters and funny names — and they said there have been 19 sets of brothers, the most recent being Jose, Hector and Tommy in 1977. Here’s a complete list.

Cluke: And I think it goes without saying that the awards for best names go to Clete, Cloynd and Ken Boyer.

Cloyd!

Down on the farm

Honorary hanger-on Jason Kaifesh called me Sunday afternoon and asked if I wanted to go to a minor-league game. Of course I said yes. The California League-leading Lancaster Jethawks were playing the Inland Empire 66ers (San Bernardino) in a game with a strange 6:00 start time, perhaps because the temperature can get quite high up in the Antelope Valley. First, the best of my attempts at an action shot. Note the ball seemingly frozen…

Since Lancaster is near Edwards Air Force Base, they have two space shuttles on either side of the message board, albeit space shuttles that look more like NASCAR vehicles, with the advertising. Hmm, didn’t the idea of having NASA raise money by selling advertising space come up at some point during the Reagan administration?…

Speaking of which, note the flags, and the fact that the wind was blowing very strong towards right field throughout the game, although there was only one home run hit in that direction (quite a few fly balls to the warning track, though). Is there some kind of mailing list you can subscribe to, if you have a flagpole, to let you know when you’re supposed to have your flags at half-mast?…

This being the minor leagues, they let a kid race the mascot around the bases while the game is in progress (I mean, between innings, but still…). I can provide witnesses to corroborate the fact that Kaboom the Jethawk took a dive, by the way, in case any federal prosecutors interested in a RICO case are reading this…

Lancaster Municipal Stadium, a.k.a. The Hangar, is fairly new, which means they have a manual scoreboard. Yes, that is a ridiculous contradiction, but we live in ridiculous times. At least the manual scoreboard’s numbers are readable (when they remember to put them up), unlike certain electrically-operated numbers that are hard to read when the sun is shining directly on them and a third of the light bulbs are burned out…

Final score: 66ers 7, Jethawks 3. One of the best things about the game, by the way, was the noise the crowd made when the P.A. announcer announced that the Lakers had lost Game 1 of the finals to the Detroit Pistons. It was the noise of several thousand people simultaneously making a noise that meant, “But the local media has been leading us to believe that the Lakers are the team of destiny for months now!” I know, I know, that’s not really baseball-related.

Now I’m headed to Vegas for a few days. Unfortunately, the Las Vegas 51’s won’t be in town while I’m there, so I guess I’ll have to find something to do other than watching minor-league baseball.

Original comments…

Levi: I’m surprised, Jim, to see you refer to the flag as being at half-staff.

As this site shows, lowered flags on ships are at half-mast, but lowered flags on land are at half-staff.

There recently was a story in the Tribune about a woman who contacted the head office of McDonald’s to inform them that they were not, by flag codes, allowed to lower the flags at their restaurants in tribute to their CEO, who had died suddenly. According to her, a government directive had to go out. She was backed up by the reporter and by a government official, whose name and position I’ve forgotten.

Anyway, it’s the first I’d heard about it. Anyone know anything more about these rules?

And were the flags down for Reagan, or for the Lakers?

The cross-wits

The title of today’s Merl Reagle crossword puzzle is “Bawl Game,” and the theme relates to Tom Hanks’s line in “A League of Their Own,” featured as 111 Across (“THERESNOCRYING”) and 119 Across (“INBASEBALL”).

As it turned out, since there’s no crying in baseball, all the theme answers were missing a “WA” somewhere, including 35 Across (“Ex-Boston-N.Y.-Tampa player with over 3,000 hits”), 85 Across (“Grassless area on a diamond’s perimeter that lets a fielder know the wall is near”), the long one, 66 Across (“Post-home run comment”), and the one that took me the longest to get, 88 Across (“Try to fool a batter, perhaps”). Answers in the comments section.

Original comments…

Jim: 35. DEBOGGS
85. RNINGTRACK
66. HEREALLYLLOPEDTHATONE
88. THROCURVE (unlike all the other theme answers in the puzzle, the missing “WA” letters weren’t both removed from one word)

Luke: No wa? But you gotta have wa!

thatbob: Japanese fighting spirit!

What a trip we could have had

What if we had chosen Itinerary Number One for the trip? Well, I’ll tell you…

Saturday, May 22: Reds 8, Astros 7. What a game to start off the trip with!

Sunday, May 23: Brewers 2, Pirates 1. This one was much easier for Levi to score.

Monday, May 24: Blue Jays 6, Angels 5 (10 innings). They must have heard about our trip, because they keep having one-run games for us.

Tuesday, May 25: Expos 3, Braves 1. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything, because there goes the one-run game streak. But the Expos won a game! And we had plenty of elbow room at Olympic Stadium, with attendance only 4,237 (including us).

Wednesday, May 26: Red Sox 9, A’s 6. Hooray for Johnny Damon! Not because he was the star of this game, but just on general principles, even if he did shave his beard just a few days ago.

Thursday, May 27: No game. We had talked before about maybe seeing the Red Sox or the Phillies two days in a row, but ended up not doing that, and both teams were blown out by the visitors today (A’s 15-2 over the Sox; Braves 6-1 over the Phillies).

Friday, May 28: Phillies 3, Braves 2 (10 innings). Another one-run game, featuring a walk-off homer.

Saturday, May 29: Indians 8, A’s 6. Hmm, the A’s seem to only be able to score 6 runs — no more, no less — when we’re in the stands.

Sunday, May 30: Orioles 7, Tigers 3. A four-run game? Inconceivable! Not to mention the fact that one of my favorite-named players, Ugueth Urbina, fell apart.

Monday, May 31: Cubs 3, Astros 1. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that it was a little chilly in Chicago for Memorial Day, since I remember that it was that way in 2002 as well. Anyway, a good game to end the trip, even if we’re now sick of the Astros. And the Braves. And the A’s.

(Will I remember to start doing a day-by-day posting once we get around to July 17, the start of Itinerary Number Two, the way I should have done for this itinerary? We’ll find out together.)

Original comments…

Levi: This trip clearly would have been inferior to the one we are going to take, because this trip has no Cardinals games.

Look what looks can do

In the early balloting for the starting outfield for the American League All-Star team, Baseball-Related Program Activities 2004 favorite Johnny Damon is a strong third.

Now, much as I hate to admit it, Johnny Damon is definitely not the third-best outfielder in the American League.

While he was on the All-Star team in 2002, he has never come close to being voted to a starting berth. And it’s not like he’s off to an extremely good start this season. His .282/383./400 line is perfectly acceptable, but it’s not like he’s setting the world on fire.

Not with his bat, that is. We all know why Johnny Damon might make the All-Star team: Who doesn’t want to have the coolest-looking player in baseball representing the American League at baseball’s coolest position? Well, aside from a few silly Yankees fans, that is. Even without the beard, he deserves the starting nod.

Internet voting is allowed. Vote early and often, and this might be the best All-Star game since the one Bud Selig ruined–which happens to be the one in which Johnny Damon went 1-3.

Original comments…

maura: you can only vote up to 25 times! so don’t vote too often, there.

Jim: I punched out a lot of all-star ballots for Johnny Damon, among others, at the Devil Rays-Rangers game (because my father dumped a bunch of them in my lap, and there was nothing else to do). No wonder he’s running third!

Steve: this is only partially related but on Wed night, Vladimir Guerrero (leading AL outfield vote getter) had 9 RBI in a game. I looked around a bit for the single game record to no avail. Jim? Levi?

Jim: According to the chart that was in Thursday’s L.A. Times, the record is 12, held by both Jim Bottomley of the Cardinals (who did it on September 16, 1924) and Mark Whiten of the Cardinals (September 7, 1993). The A.L. record is 11, held by Tony Lazzeri of the Yankees (May 24, 1936).

Levi: I was listening to the Mark Whiten game. It was something.

His feat is impressive because he drove in all 12 on home runs. Four of them.

Secho: I was thinking Whiten was probably the worst player ever to hit 4 HRs in a game (and this is a category that includes Mike Cameron); despite hitting 25 homers and driving in 99 in 1993, Whiten had only a .746 OPS. How do you drive in 99 while slugging .423? Hell, even Kevin Elster slugged .462 when he inexplicably drove in 99 runs. Okay, Johnny Damon’s only slugging .416 with 31 RBI, but I’ll grow a mullet if he’s sitting at 100 RBI with his current line at the end of the season.

Anyway, I thought Whiten was the worst 4-homer player unil I stumbled upon Pat Seerey, who did it for the White Sox in 1948. He was a career .224 hitter who only played 4 games in 1949 before being cut and never played again. This after leading the Sox with 18 homers and 64 RBI in 1948. Even Seerey had a .768 OPS that season, though, so I may be switching my vote back to Whiten.

Levi: Whiten really was a bad hitter, a mistake hitter who would flash such impressive power on those few bad pitches he hammered that he’d have you scratching your head.

Whiten somehow only hit 13 doubles in 1993, which goes a long way (with his lousy batting average) to explaining his low slugging percentage. And the RBI were (Here’s where I wish Dan Rivkin was reading this blog regularly), I’m guessing, about 40% Gregg Jeffries (.342/.408/.485), 20% Ray Lankford (.238/.366./.346), 20% Bernard Gilkey (.305/.370/.481). God knows where the other 20% came from.

Oh, and Jim Bottomley was known as Sunny Jim Bottomley.

Stocking up, part 2

I thought I’d put this in the main body of the blog instead of in the comments to Levi’s post, since it’s important…more important for me, in fact, since it will be more inconvenient to turn back if I leave something behind before heading for the airport than if Levi leaves something behind before heading for Davenport.

You can’t get a car that runs on biodiesel and is comfortable for four people, or so Hertz claims. However, I believe every state we’ll be passing through will have cheaper gas than California, even Illinois, so I’ll claim it’s cheap every time we fill up. Ontario and Quebec will be more expensive, but it’ll still seem cheap because the price will be listed in Canadian dollars per liter.

I tend to have stomach problems for unexplained reasons, not after eating things like the Schmitter. When I do have them, though, Tums doesn’t cut it. I’m bringing Pepto-Bismol.

I’m pretty sure there is going to be a Canada-U.S. translation chart of some variety in the materials I’m going to get from AAA, if I ever manage to make it to their office.

Other things I should remember to bring:

1) The Red Sox and Phillies tickets for me and Levi.

2) Printouts of the hotel reservation confirmations.

3) My iPod and its various accessories, including the cigarette lighter charger, the AC charger and cable, and the cassette adaptor (on the off chance we get a car not only with a cassette deck, but with a cassette deck the adaptor will work in). In addition to the music (not solely radio station jingles), my iPod also contains my address book, and I’m going to put text files on it giving exact driving directions to the various places we’ll be staying, plus public transportation directions to stadiums (where applicable), and anything else I can think of that needs to be on there.

4) My digital camera and its battery charger.

5) My cell phone and its charger.

6) A bunch of nickels and dimes I have lying around that may come in handy for paying tolls.

7) My passport.

8) Sunscreen, since I have a giant tube of Coppertone Sport that’s still pretty full.

9) A rain poncho (which I need to buy unless I can find the one I thought I had).

10) Not directly related to the trip, but a videotape of television programming from a channel or channels that Levi and Stacey don’t receive, since they’d be disappointed if I didn’t show up with one. I’ve already got a 2-hour selection on my TiVo, although I have to get a working VCR between now and the trip. All I’ll say is that it’s not game shows.

Original comments…

maura: you are so organized! i started packing for my trip to seattle an hour before i had to leave my house, and i left my cell phone charger at home.

i did get to safeco field on monday night, though. it’s a very nice park; the roof was closed over the field, but there were gaps providing vistas into the city. unfortunately, we weren’t seated near the healthy food area, so we didn’t have the veggie dogs or ichirolls — we ate jumbo hot dogs. note to self: NEVER EAT JUMBO HOT DOGS AGAIN. not only were they, er, indelicately unwieldy, they were way too big. the garlic fries were great, though, and i had an iced latte as well (oh, whatever, it’s seattle, it’s okay there). also, i bought an action cam at archie mcphee, and i tried to take some photos of the game with it. we’ll see if they came out soon, i guess.

semi-related: that night, joe and i were sitting in our hotel’s bar/lounge area (we stayed at the w), and who should come walking into the lobby but: the entire blue jays team! i wonder if all the teams stay at this hotel, or if richer teams stay at the fancier places downtown.

Jim: You don’t think the W is fancy? The only reason I’ve ever set foot inside one is because that’s where Donna Cochener stayed when she was in L.A. for Maggie’s wedding, and Levi and I visited her there. You know she’s not going to stay anyplace non-fancy.

Did lots of trains go by while you were at Safeco?

maura: i saw donna on tuesday! we had lunch at noodle ranch. she is living in seattle now. anyway, the ‘fancier’ places i was thinking of were the boutique hotels with in-room jacuzzis and stuff. a-rod’s gotta soak!

only two trains went by while i was at safeco. both were freight trains.

Jeremy: I used to feel stupid for not owning a VCR that works, until I just found out Jim doesn’t either.

stacey: no game shows?

Jim: Sorry, Jer, I just bought a VCR on EBay. Of course, I still might not own a VCR that works, although the seller swears it’s an open-box item returned to the manufacturer because it didn’t work with RF cables, but it works great with RCA cables (which is all I need). Stacey: GSN, the channel formerly known as Game Show Network, has been very disappointing recently, even in the months before they shortened the name. I don’t know, maybe they’ll surprise me, or maybe some other channel will come up with some exciting game show(s), and I’ll have to bring two videotapes.

Donna Cochener: Always strange to find your name on the web… especially in a post on a baseball site regarding your proclivity to stay in hotels that provide a greater number of creature comforts. Jim, just so you know, I’ve stayed in some truly awful places. I even have photographic evidence — mushrooms growing from the ceiling of the bathroom, things like that.

If anyone has a desire to watch the Mariners lose a few games, you’re welcome to come visit me in Seattle. Hotel Cochener has one small room available — with en suite facilities, but no pool.

Jim: You can’t fool me…only the most upscale hotels have mushrooms growing in the bathroom. That’s the in-room salad bar.

Stocking up

A discussion Jim and I had in the comments to the previous post led me to start thinking about what Jim and will need to bring on our trip. I’m going to leave out the obvious items (like clothes, money, and a toothbrush so that I can annoy Jim by brushing my teeth in the car, hotel room, and the stadium) that anyone would bring on any trip. So, off the top of my head, here are the items specific to the BRPA 2004 trip that I think Jim and I will need.

1) Our two iPods, including the snug St. Louis Cardinals iPod Cozy that Stacey crocheted me for my birthday.

2) Hostess Fruit Pies, because Doctor Octopus has already shown some interest in our trip, and neither Jim nor I is a superhero, so distracting Doc Ock is our only hope.

3) This collection of old radio shows about baseball, either on CD or on my iPod.

4) This collection of Jack Benny programs, to break up the nonstop radio station jingles coming from Jim’s iPod.

5) My score book, pencils, and a sharpener. Because keeping score is one way to keep sane on a long baseball trip.

6) Several gallons of biodiesel from one of Uptown’s greasy diners, because I’m sure the rental car Jim has booked can run on bio-diesel. Jim wouldn’t let me down that way.

So what else do you think we need?

Original comments…

Jason: -A camera

-Some green, black & teal yarn for Jim to knit himself a Tampa Bay Devil Rays iPod Cozy

-Milk to wash down the Hostess Fruit Pies

-Spider-Man Underoos to further frighten Dr. Octopus away

-A Canada-U.S. translation chart, so you can convert from miles to kilometers and from saying ‘about’ to ‘aboot’

-Hookers

Steve: -Tums (for Jim if he dares tackle the Schmitter)

-American dollar bills (because I hear Windsor has awesome strip clubs and American money is worth more than Canadian Money so you are more likely to be popular with the dancers)

-Stamps (to send postcards because even though digital cameras are cool and make for instant photos its hard to put a blog up on the fridge–don’t forget the address book)

-Peanuts (cheaper outside the park)

sandor: Are either of you bringing a laptop? Or are you planning on doing all your updates from the road through some bootleg blog-by-email set-up? I’d love to see what kind of shorthand l33t-speak you come up with for, say, Albert Pujols.

In addition to a laptop, you’ll need an account with some kind of nationwide ISP, so you can plug in in your hotel room and make a local or toll-free call. That’s how we did it on our trip. The alternative is hoping for either a) free wireless access in stadium (which I hear exists someplace [probably SF] but which use I can’t for the life of me see you condoning) or b) business centers in your hotels or c) extraordinary luck in finding Internet cafes. I actually have an extra, old laptop laying around if you don’t want to bring yours on the road, Levi. You’re welcome to borrow it.

Or are you planning on doing all your road blogging by postcard? I can see that. It’d be a good way to break up the tedium of all those miles: writing the same post over and over and over again on postcards and USPS’ing them to all of your fans.

sandor: Oops. I meant to say “… bootleg blog-by-phone set-up.”

Jim: As far as I’m concerned, we’d love to borrow your extra laptop. My plan was going to involve writing down all the posts longhand while on the trip and then back-dating them when I entered them into Blogger after I got back, then pretending they were there all along.

I happen to be on the Internet via Earthlink, which could not possibly be more of a nationwide ISP (in fact, I’m pretty sure they have numbers in Toronto and Montreal as well). It’s a DSL account that includes 20 hours of free dialup per month, which should be plenty for making posts to this blog, but the amount of time Levi spends looking at Cardinals-related news sites and blogs will have to be carefully rationed.

But I do like the blog-by-postcard idea. Hmm…

Levi: I was planning to bring our laptop, if only for the 9,000 or so songs on it.

But if Stacey thinks she’ll need it while we’re gone, I’ll take you up on your offer.

Toby: Here’s a shot in the dark, Levi – maybe a CAMERA??!!??

Toby

Jeremy: Thanks for posting a link to a website dedicated entirely to Hostess ads in comic books. I blew an entire afternoon at work before I knew what had happened.

Levi: Jer- If you want to waste more time and laugh Coke through your nose, open a can and check out that same guy’s site about the comic Mr. T. and the T-Force. His commentary is a bit obvious, but the T-Force comic itself is hilarious.

spidey: I’m coming on part of your trip, so you needn’t worry about Dr. Octopus until after Detroit. Also, I recommend Hostess Crab Pies. Dr. Octopus loves those.

Dodging the trolleys

Two recent pieces of news from the Los Angeles Dodgers: their organist Nancy Bea Hefley is playing a lot less than she used to, and they’re considering adding a mascot (no link available, but there was a story in today’s L.A. Times that, if today were April 1 and not June 1, I would have thought was fake).

I’m wondering if new Dodgers owner Frank McCourt doesn’t have some kind of “Producers”-style scam going on that depends on low attendance at Dodger Stadium. Raising ticket prices would have been too obvious, so he raised parking prices and concession stand prices, but that didn’t work too well, because people still keep showing up to the games. There were no spectacular free agent signings in the off-season, just a troublemaker acquired at the last minute. Yet the Dodgers are doing pretty well, so people still keep showing up to the games. Perhaps when the no-organ-plus-annoying-mascot plan doesn’t work, McCourt will make every night Free Beach Ball Night, in which every fan will get a free pre-inflated beach ball and will be encouraged to bat it around in the stands throughout the game. Oh, wait a second…

By the way, the Major League Baseball organist situation isn’t quite as dire as the Seattle Times column makes it out to be. Their list of organists is incomplete. For example, the Tampa Bay Devil Rays have a live organist, believe it or not, to name one team they didn’t mention. His booth is next to, but not inside, the press box, and I was just a few sections over from it at the game last month. I only realized afterwards that I should have gone over there to see if he took requests.

Original comments…

Levi: Hey, don’t knock Milton Bradley.

As he said last year when sent down by Cleveland, “There seems to be one set of rules for Milton Bradley, and another set for everybody else.”

thatbob: Oh, see, I have a deep and profound love for annoying mascots that I’m surprised you don’t share, Jim. But at least if they get a Trolley Dodger, they’ll have to get a trolley, no? Wouldn’t that make you happy! LA hasn’t had one of those since, what, the 1940s?

I hope it’s a big pink and green trolley made of balloons and glitter that runs back and forth across the backfield. Isn’t that the kind you like?

Jason: Bernie Brewer was never annoying.

Levi: If the Dodgers get a mascot, who’s next? A big, stinky Red Sock? A plastered Trixie named Cubbina?

We can only hope.

Jim: The Red Sox have a mascot: Wally the Green Monster.

He’s back

With hit after hit after hit over the last week, Albert Pujols appears to be back, having shaken the slump that had dogged him all season. He’s now got an on-base-percentage of .404 and a slugging percentage of .612, very close to his career numbers. Kind of out of nowhere, he’s now leading the league in home runs, too. And you can tell just by watching him on TV that he’s hitting like the Albert Pujols we’re used to seeing, no longer getting off-balance and out on his front foot.

What’s funny about it is that, according to Buck Martinez on ESPN yesterday, Albert broke out of his slump when his wife, Deirdre, pointed out to him while they were watching tapes of his at-bats that he had spread his stance out too much. She talked to Albert about it, and also to hitting coach Mitchell Page. Now, I have always heard that the general philosophy of most hitting coaches is to use whatever works (Walt Hriniak and Charlie Lau excepted), but don’t you think that would be a bit irksome, to have a player’s wife come tell you what to look out for? Even if she’s right–and even if you hadn’t noticed the problem yourself, your pride would surely suffer a bit.

This led Bob and me to a discussion of whether maybe Deirdre is as a good a hitter as Albert, but she stays home with the kids because it’s good for a kid to have a parent at home. Bob suggested that maybe she’s Polly Ann to Albert’s John Henry. Let’s just hope that Albert never has to test himself against an electronic hitting machine.

Although it sure would be fun to hear the fans scream, “The upper deck’s caving in!”, and Albert respond, not losing a beat, “That ain’t nothing but my bat sucking wind,” as he drives another ball over the Arch.

Original comments…

Toby: It doesn’t really have anything to do with Pujols, but happy birthday, Levi.

thatbob: Pujols is probably worth the ink, don’t get me wrong. But in the coming years, try to be careful not to fall into a Bob Greene or Bob Costas wanting-to-slobber-all-over-Michael Jordan’s-(well, let me try to keep this family related)-NBA-championship-rings kind-of relationship. It’s a fine line to walk, I know, but as a married man, it’s your job to walk it.

Jason: I’d like to see what Mrs. Jose Lima has to say about this.

Actually, I just like to see Mrs. Lima.

Levi: Well, Pujols did go 5-5 last night with two doubles and a home run, and he cured cancer during the seventh-inning stretch, but your point is taken, Bob. I won’t mention it.

Oh, and it’s not ink: it’s bytes.

Levi: And thanks, Toby. Back in the day when you could buy ten or twelve tickets to a Cubs night game without planning very far ahead, I would have had a birthday party at the ballpark, and brought a cake. But this year, we just had some people over for barbecue Monday and watched the game on TV last night.

It was a pleasant birthday.