I have no desire to be the biggest jerk in the park

If we’re going to go after foul balls on the trip, we’d better make sure there aren’t any kids in the way, unless we know for a fact that the kid has a lifelong dream of being on “Good Morning America.” Personally, I’ve always preferred the “Today” show.

Original comments…

Steve: Whatever…It’s not like the kid even got trampled. Who among us hasn’t pushed a four year old out of the way. They often show up at the most inopportune places. At least its nice to see that baseball is falling all over itself to make amends. For what I don’t know but it’s pretty clear that the media in this country is dying for some “feel-good” stores. Well, off to rescue some puppies and kittens.

Eric: Let’s not idealize 4-year-olds. A lot of 4-year-olds are selfish little jerks. A 4-year-old’s mom tried to take my seat on an airplane, as the stewardess explained, “because they want to sit together.” “Tough shit!” I told the stewardess. “I want to have sex with Jennifer Connelly, so I guess that makes two of us aren’t going to get what we want.” I mean, come on. A 4-year-old can’t sit quietly on his own for a two-hour flight? They have to push me out of my comfortable, front-of-the-plane aisle seat into a middle seat at the back of the plane? What bullshit. Being 4 years old is no excuse for anything.

They didn’t even ask if I would voluntarily give up my seat. The stewardess just put them there and told me I had to move. United, man. “Fly the airline where all the employees hate you.”

Luke: If a foul ball comes our way at Busch, feel free to trample all over me, if it might send some swag our way.

Dr. Octopus: I push 4-year-olds out of the way all the time! Even when I’m not at the ballpark! And with all my tentacles, I can push down numerous 4-year-olds simultaneously! Ha ha ha ha!