What You’ve All Been Waiting For: Two Johnny Damon Poems!

Johnny Damon, MVP

Johnny Damon, MVP
Who could e’er compete with thee?
Thy tresses steal the hearts of fans,
Thy beard surpasses any man’s.
Though sportswriters may disagree,
The cognoscenti are with me,
And ladies coast to coast can see:
You’re super-cute — you’re MVP!

The Hirsute Hero

Oh, Johnny Damon, when you walked,
Why did you not steal second?
And having stolen second, chalked
Up an easy steal of third–
With each advance your helmet flying
Off behind you in the dirt?
I worry that you’re just not trying,
Perhaps you fail to understand
Just why it is we show you love.
Here in this distant foreign land
We like your play, but way above
All else we love your beard and hair
Unfettered by your helm or hat,
Free-flowing, lovely, everywhere.
So, in the field, remember that
We want to see you run and dive
Your cap fly off, your hair set free
Its flowing tresses so alive.
And on the bases, don’t forget
Your fans are waiting patiently.
Whene’er the pitcher comes to set,
For you to take off instantly.
Steal second, third, and even home.
Run, run — that’s what we love you for!
We even promise not to moan,
If you’re thrown out — we’ll love you more!

Original comments…

stacey: levi, you’ve never written any poetry for me . . . is it because i don’t have a beard?

Johnny Damon’s Beard: Thank you very much.

Johnny Damon’s Earlobes: Hey, what about me?

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