Bodily functions

Well, the demand from some quarters has been so high that I have to make sure you know about how Moises Alou, who doesn’t use batting gloves, toughens his hands.

According to an item a ways down in this column, he pees on them.

So don’t hi-five him. And when he comes to the plate, shout, “Hey, Ol’ Pee-Hands!” Sounds very 19th-century.

Oh, and on the topic of waste, here’s Barry Bonds’s take on the Spider-Man controversy:

“What the [bleep] are you asking me for? I don’t care. Our job is to play ball, not to worry about what ad is on the billboard. I don’t care. They can have [bleepin’] dog-poo as bases so I have to step in [bleep] as far as I’m concerned. What the hell.”

As Redbird Nation, where I found the quote, says: It’s easy to hate Bonds, but it’s hard to hate his incorrigible Bondsness.

Actually, we probably shouldn’t spread the idea of dog-poo bases. I wouldn’t put it past Selig, if someone in the dog-poo industry offered him money. King Kaufman at Salon is at his best today on this topic.

Step on Schpidah!

Certainly Major League Baseball couldn’t possibly be trying to get people to hate them a little less.

Oh, wait, surprisingly, they are, although it’s a little unclear whether MLB or Sony backed off first.

Original comments…

Levi: That’s good, because much as I love Spider-Man, I was about to call Alistair Smythe and ask how much he would charge to make a new Spider-Slayer.

Jim: And I was hoping I’d be able to get all the way through the lyrics to They Might Be Giants’ “Spider.” I guess I still might.